HAAAYYYY!!!... It has been so long since I last post a blog in this journal... Dami na nangyari... Hindi ko na alam kung saan sisimulan... I had become very very very busy these past few months... Mga accounting works and assignments, mga reports, not to mention the number of times na nagpunta kami sa Makati and Ortigas to conduct interviews and researches... Grabe talaga! I did not even have time for myself and my girlfriend... That's why...
WE BROKE UP! Yeah... We broke up two days before the classcard distribution... I don't know... Siguro talagang bad lang ako or hindi ko pa kayang ihandle ang relationship... Or maybe there is other reasons I could not tell to anybody except to those who are closestssss to me... Yan, daming s ha... Ibig sabihin, yun lang mga taong malapit na malapit lang sa akin ang nakakaalam kung ano pa yung ibang reason... I think I just made the right decision why I broke up with Cheng... Why?
I think its the best alternative than by staying with her in a relationship that I know and I think will not work that good for the two of us... I don't what it to be in a way that she is the only one keeping the flame within the relationship glowing... I don't want that... What I want kasi is something wherein both of us is working... Kumbaga give and take... Eh kaso ang nangyari lalo na nung mga latter part eh take lang ako ng take... Siya lang kasi yung lumalabas na concerned pa sa partner... Hmmm... I was concerned... I really was... But the thing is "Action speaks louder than voice" and I was not able to put it into action... Kumbaga puro sa salita ko lang nasasabi... I know nahihirapan siya and ayoko ng ganun... Aaminin ko, mas priority ko ang studies ko... Kasi dun umaasa ang parents ko... And if I won't hold on with that priority, I might lose my scholarship... Marami pa namang oras... After college and after I become successful, saka na lang yan... Just don't know kung ganun nga... Ang gulo noh...
Second reason ko is that I missed my barkada, MYTROPA... Hindi na kasi ako masyadong nakakasabay sa kanila sa lunch or nagkakaroon ng time para makipagusap sa kanila... Hindi ko kasi matiis na hindi gawin yung mga bagay na ginagawa ko dati nung la pa akong gf... Yung pakikipagchat sa mga kaibigan ko sa ROTONDA sa La Salle... Ewan ko ba! Siguro nga I'm not yet ready... When would I? I don't know... "Time will come, I'll be..." I think all I have to do is wait.... wait... and wait...
Third and the most significant reason kung bakit ko yun ginawa is I think what I felt about her is just enfatuation... Tama ba yung spelling? Hehehe... I don't know... Nun kasing time na yun eh I'm still in a state wherein I'm finding LOVE... Hindi naman para macompensate yung broken love ko kundi para muli kong maexperience yung LOVE na yun... 2 years kasi akong nawalan ng gf eh... Since malapit ka pa rin sa akin... I'll admit it! Hindi pa rin nawawala ang LOVE ko para kay Ronalynne... Ewan ko ba kung ano nakain ko at hanggang ngayon eh nafifeel ko pa rin yung LOVE ko sa kanya... Nakakainis kasi ayaw mawala... Nagseselos ako kapag smay nakikita akong kasama siya na iba lalo na nung nakita kong naging close sila ni PIOLO... Kainis... Hindi ko maexplain... Pero hindi ko naman pwedeng ssabihin yun kay Cheng dahil alam kong magagalit siya at iisipin niyang niloko ko lang siya... Kaya ko naman kasi yun ginawa (BREAK UP) ay dahil ayaw ko ng palakihin pa yung burden or lalo pang magkamali... I wanted to finish the relationship already dahil ayaw kong lokohin si CHENG... Mahal ko siya... Oo... At dahil dun, ayaw kong masaktan yung damdamin niya lalo pa't alam kong hindi ko kayang ibigay yung binibigay niy sa akin na pagmamahal...
Ang hirap ng kalagayan ko... Or baka ako lang nagpapa-complicate... Ewan ko ba... Naaalala ko tuloy yung sa spider man na "LOVE should never be complicated. You should not keep it inside cause it will make you sick..." and it did... It made me sick... Lagi ko kasing naiisip... Haaaayyyy...